


A Juggalo's Guide To The Rebellion

by coccineousTaws



Category: Hiveswap, Hiveswap Friendsim, Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human/Troll Society (Homestuck), Alternia, Alternia is Terrible, Alternia-Focused, Alternian Empire, Alternian Revolution, Gen, Grubs (Homestuck), Guide, Juggalos, Manual, Rebellion, Rebels, Trolls (Homestuck), dont read this sucks ass, smelly clown man teaches children
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-02
Updated: 2019-08-18
Packaged: 2020-07-29 14:09:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 697
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20083501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coccineousTaws/pseuds/coccineousTaws
Summary: When joining the Rebellion against the Alternian Empire, a young troll might not know where to start! Treat this guide as a path to success, a sturdy Fiduspawn starter to lead you to victory.





	1. Introduction

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! Chapters will be short because I'm poor at planning.

**Hello!**

**If you are reading this, you have joined the rebellion against Her Imperious Condescension and are now in the process of either faking your death or fleeing the planet. If you are not a part of the rebellion, and are instead loyalist scum, sucking the crud out of the spaces between a wealthy seadweller’s strutpod appendages, please escort yourself to the nearest open lawnring and contemplate your life decisions while waiting for the scalding gas spheres to rise and burn you to death.**

**Now that the introduction has been covered, I will clarify a few things. First, I will not release my name. I will refer to myself as “Fero” and nothing else. I am a religious Purpleblood who was formerly in training to be a Munchimenacer. I pioneered the rebellion’s off-planet enterprises and aided in child smuggling off-planet. Next, I will not be quirking this text. This text, which will remain untitled, will be encrypted heavily, allowing only certified members of the rebellion to access. **  



	2. Part One: Pledging your Alleigance

**The first step of joining the rebellion is, of course, pledging your allegiance! You can do this by either finding your nearest Tetrarch or showing a local group of lowbloods (ROYGs) that you support the rebellion and are not, in fact, a narc. Failure to prove your loyalty will result in getting swarmed. Lowbloods, while not physically powerful, are extremely powerful in other ways (psionics, telekinesis, etc.) and are as much of a threat as any average Cerulean when in large numbers.**

**Once you’ve been inducted into the ranks of the rebellion and denounced all relation to the Condesce and her empirical fleet, you may find yourself in trouble. If you fail to be discreet in your allegiance, a warrant will be put out for your culling and the Imperial Drones will look for you. If you’re lucky and have friends who are knowledgeable in parasitic hacking, you can softhack the culldrone and remove your identity from the Empire’s database. This, however, is not recommended due to the sudden removal’s potential to trigger a more fearsome punishment in the form of a hired assassin. Instead, you should simply mark yourself as dead, so you can continue to live in your current hive if you so choose. **

**Eventually, you will need to decide whether or not you’d like to remain on the planet or leave to combat the empire from the outside.**


	3. Part Two: Taking Action

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i suck at formatting!! someone help!!!!!!

**Upon joining the rebellion, you may find that our forces are unorganized. This is mostly due to the fact that if you’re reading this you most likely haven’t yet undergone your Trials. This also means that you most likely won’t undergo the Trials at all, unless you take special care to keep your affiliation under extreme secrecy. If you plan on following the latter, feel free to skip this portion of the guide.**

**If you have not skipped, that means you are willing to do what it takes to dethrone the Empire as quickly as possible. I’d suggest camouflaging yourself as an Oliveblood, as olives tend to be off the radar. Next? You train. You train and train and train. You will learn the anatomy of a violet firsthand, and learn their weakest points, where to strike if you’re unfortunate enough to encounter one. The provided image, while crudely drawn, will prove to be a valuable reference.**

  * **GRUB SPOTS: A troll's grub spots are one of the most sensitive parts of their body, providing direct access to a troll's most vital organs and bloodpusher. If positioned correctly, a few stabs through a grub spot could provide the vital leverage needed to get poison directly into the bloodpusher to be express delivered to the cranial sentience organ.**
  * FINS: A seadweller’s fins function not only as a sensory organ but also as a secondary inhalation gateway for when they swim. You strip a seadweller of their fins, you remove their ability to live underwater.
  * MEAL TUNNEL: The meal tunnel, otherwise known as the squeal pipette, is obviously deadly due to containing the primary spurt artery. You don’t need to be a genius to know this.
  * STRUTPODS: If you damage their strutpods and/or fronds excessively, they will be immobilized. NOT FATAL.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hoo boi. took me a while, but part 2 is finally on its way out. sorry for taking so long! im running a game of homestuck dnd and that's been my main focus. also, ill have a lot less time to write due to the fact that marching band starts next week, and the week after that school starts. if you'd like to see me be an idiot elsewhere, my twitter is @infectedFlux


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